Its time to get emo-fied.

I think it all started when my best friend, Quin Lane left. I was crying and crying to myself that she was leaving (well I dont think she knew I cried but that was last time ok).

When I was younger, I used to think, why do people cry when someone is going off, or someone died, or something bad happened. All I knew was I cry when it hurts, especially when mum hits me. When Titanic came out, my friend told me that his sister cried throughout the movie. And I was laughing at his sister.

But now, at this very moment, I truly understands why do people cry, why do I cry. simple. Because it hurts. It hurts so much that there's no other way to express it.

And recently, some things that happened ached my heart. Usually, I will just talk to my darling. But if he is not available thank god my kitten is here. So I talk to her, about how I felt. She doesnt understands but there is something alive that I could talk to. And sometimes I express it out through my loyal blog.

What I fear most in life is pain. Irregardless of physical or emotional pain. It still hurts. And when it hurts, I cry. And pain, is really hurting me a lot recently. I just dunno what to say for myself. So many things are going on. I just hate myself.

WHY M I NOT LIKE LAST TIME ANYMORE???

I was reading about other people's life A LOT lately and comparing it with myself. And I asked myself "What have I done late that I am proud of?" or "What have I done for the benefit of other people?". I have a list of dreams or things that I have wanted to do. i.e charity for poor, teaching orphans or poor kids how to swim for free, dancing, self defense, baking, helping people, making people laughed, etc...

And now, Im just stuck here, at just one area. Floating. I have not scored well in my exams, I have not done anything for my club, I m broke, I have no money, I realized that I have done nothing good at all, n I have no idea what my future is like.

All I want is to be a role model, help people who needs and make people happy. Izit that hard to make it through?

I have screwed up and now, my life is screwed up. I wish the world would end in 2012. Then I wont have much to think about.

ok ok. Im just kidding about that. But still. I have had enough of thinking. I hate it. I really hate my not-so-good life. I want my-ever-so-happy-and-excitement-filled life again. I need someone to PUSH me.

Cupcakes =)

What a wonderful day to make cupcakes. It was my first time actually. Just wanted to try out something with the new microwave at home. hahaha.

My first attempt was bad. cuz it was way TOO sweet. Then the following ones got better. hehehe.

Did some for everyone and everyone in the family has a fair share. Including my sayang. hehehe.

NFL Cheerleaders.

These girls are sizzling HAWT!





After looking at these pictures, Im inspired to be one of them. Well, need to loose some weight first. haha

from malaysia.msn.com

Everyone connects...

Love the Advert.
But the music video is funny.




Bunkface - Through My Window

I dont want much, i just want everything
Thought that i could, do almost anything
One step in front of the other
Thought that i could do it alone

In the blink of an eye, it's just another day
Telling me why, i'll find another way
Got this feeling, got me reeling
I can almost start believing

Now there's me and you
And we are not alone
You and me
We are together now
Through my window, i can see there's
More than you and more than me
Me and you
And we are not alone
Different view
We are together now
Through my window, i can see
Our wildest dreams could be so real

I see a spark, it starts a fire
Is this the one worth waiting for?
Thought that i could do it without you
Cant exist like this anymore

Now there's me and you
And we are not alone
You and me
We are together now
Through my window, i can see there's
More than you and more than me

Now theres me and you, you and me
We are not alone and we are together
Through my window i can see
Our wildest dreams could be so real

Welcome to my place sayang

Finally, its all clear. My parents have met him and he has met both my parents. Im happy but Im not. Its just a mixed feeling. Its a feeling that its too good to be true, something bad might surprise you.

To tell you the truth, my heart is prepared for this. I have always been preparing for the worst to happen. I know this so callled bad thing might not happen anytime soon, but I am just being prepared.

Damn. Maybe its not about the whole informing scenario. Maybe its whats gonna happen to the line between us that is worrying me. Shit. I really hate this. Thats y I cried. I cried for u.

Things r just too good to be true. And the fact is, nothing is perfect.

Its good to be back home.

weeee!~

I am so noisy my huose is gonna explode everytime I come home. lol. Brought back that kitty cat. Dad was a bit against it. Mum loved it. My siblings adores it.

Kitty cat has learnt how to pee and poo at the right place. Looks like some good toilet training helps. haha.

Gonna start training soon. yay!

All you need is a screw driver to screw it.

Hairstyles

I want this hairstyle. I LOVE this hairstyle of hers. Im gonna ask my hairdresser to do it. lol

Finito...

Finally its all done and over. The exams and now I am embracing the holidays. But there are LOADS of stuff I NEED to do. Yaiks.

These few days Im just confused. Not sure of what to expect in life. In fact, I am living a happy life. I dont bother much about certain things. But sometimes, when people wake you up, give you advices that you dont want to hear, you feel that your life is not as perfect as you think it is. Damn.




NATIONAL LIFE SAVING COMPETITION 1st Nov 2009
We only went there for experience because most of us have never competed in a life saving competition before. And due to the lack of facilities, I have yet to touch a rescue tube or a manikin.

But it was very surprising that I met few of my "long-lost" friend from swimming. It turns out that they have decided to change field and invest in life saving. According to them, life saving is more fun and least monotonous. hahah. The they im referring to are Kimberly Lim and Fitzkhoon.

I won a gold and bronze. Could have won another gold if the manikin's arm did not come out. Maybe they should feed the manikin more cuz I think it is too thin. haha. But I won not because I was good. But its cuz I have d stamina or should I say better stamina.

Overall, I had fun. Real loads of fun. Its exciting being able to compete and know more people. I.e. There's this guy who looks so much like Aaron Kwok. lol. Pictures are on facebook =)


toodles peep!

Daddy Dearest

PICKED IT UP FROM MSN.COM =)
have been really addicted to it somehow. hehe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We're not called daddy's little girls for nothing, but the relationship between a father and his daughter could be more important than we realise.

Very often, stories and research focus on the relationship between mothers and daughters. This probably stems from the popular notion that mothers are the nurturers of the family, raising children and tending to the home while fathers are the providers. But, the most important relationship in a young girl's life is actually the one she has with her father. Teen health expert, Dr Meg Meeker, has studied and counselled many young ladies in her 20 years of experience, and found that more than anyone else, it's this father-daughter relationship that will set the course for the rest of a woman's life. From her father, a daughter learns self-respect and acceptance, how to relax around and be friendly with men, without being sexual, that men and women can agree fairly, and what to anticipate from a male-female relationship. Many milestones in a girl's life are spent with her father, making bonding and quality time together a very important aspect of the relationship. Here, we examine the lessons we learn from daddy.

Daddy wisdom #1: What to expect in a man
Your father is essentially a measure by which you will pit every man in your life against. By observing how he treats your mother, you learn as a child the dynamics of marriage and what to expect from a relationship with another man in future. So, if he's reliable, honest and loving, you will look for those qualities in other men. When parents treat each other well, a child digests this behaviour, files it as 'normal', and comes to expect is as a norm for how couples should treat each other.

If a father displays bulling, shouting or oppressive behaviour, chances are, his daughter will, even though subconsciously, seek out a similarly abusive man in future. Jane R. Rosen-Grandon, PHD, believes that the “unconscious conclusion is... "If Dad treats me well, I am a worthwhile individual. If Dad rejects me or criticizes me, I am no good." And by thinking less of herself, she'll ultimately find herself with a man who treats her poorly.


Daddy wisdom #2: There are no absolutes between men and women, only negotiation and compromise.
Fathers who exercise absolute power and rigid rules will find that their daughters will rebel. On the other hand, a father cannot always let his daughter have her own way. The middle ground is the land of negotiation and compromise.

When your father is fair and listens to your thoughts, you gain self-confidence and pride in your own opinion. Through careful guidance, a compromise can be established, and this helps you learn that just because you didn't get things your way, it doesn't mean a man loves you less, but simply that life doesn't always bow down to your wishes.

This belief in negotiation and compromise does not only help a woman through her relationships with a man, but also through many other aspects of her life, like a career.


Daddy wisdom #3: Disciplines and some boundaries will take you a long way
"Discipline is one of the most devoted, long-lasting gifts a father can give to his child," says Ray Gaurendi, a clinical psychologist. Although the word arouses negative connotations and a sense of kill-joy, its actual meaning comes from the Latin, ‘discipulus’ meaning pupil, or one who is learning.

No matter how independent, girls want restrictions put on them (even though we will complain bitterly when they are imposed, by our father or otherwise). This is because it provides guidelines for acceptable behaviour, and these boundaries make a child feel safe, subconsciously also instilling their parents' values into them.

But using discipline to teach a set of behaviours to a child, not as punishment, will only work when there is consistency. For example, a regimented plan on handling bedtime tantrums should be carried out similarly by both mother and father. And when done so, can go a long way toward establishing a general pattern of order and the development of self-control. Again Gaurendi tells us that “fathers are important in the development of their children and bring a unique presence, a special strength to raising children."


Daddy wisdom #3: Disciplines and some boundaries will take you a long way
"Discipline is one of the most devoted, long-lasting gifts a father can give to his child," says Ray Gaurendi, a clinical psychologist. Although the word arouses negative connotations and a sense of kill-joy, its actual meaning comes from the Latin, ‘discipulus’ meaning pupil, or one who is learning.

No matter how independent, girls want restrictions put on them (even though we will complain bitterly when they are imposed, by our father or otherwise). This is because it provides guidelines for acceptable behaviour, and these boundaries make a child feel safe, subconsciously also instilling their parents' values into them.

But using discipline to teach a set of behaviours to a child, not as punishment, will only work when there is consistency. For example, a regimented plan on handling bedtime tantrums should be carried out similarly by both mother and father. And when done so, can go a long way toward establishing a general pattern of order and the development of self-control. Again Gaurendi tells us that “fathers are important in the development of their children and bring a unique presence, a special strength to raising children."


Daddy wisdom #5: Youth should be enjoyed
Girls who grow up with a close father-daughter bond are likely to mature and enter puberty much later on than those who didn’t have a good relationship with their dad.

According to researchers at Vanderbilt University, from a study of 173 girls and their families from the time the girls were in pre-kindergarten until they were in the seventh grade (Form 1), the following was found: “Girls who had close, positive relationships with their parents during the first five years of life tended to experience relatively late puberty, compared to girls who had more distant relationships with their parents. More specifically, the researchers found that the quality of fathers' involvement with daughters was the most important feature of the early family environment in relation to the timing of the daughters' puberty.” (Source: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)


Daddy wisdom #6: Daddy really does know best, or at least as close to the best as you'll get
Girls usually put their dad on a pedestal, perceiving him to be a fountain of knowledge and good judgment. For matters of the heart, they'll run to mum, but for matters of the head, it's usually dad, and this is most prominent in adulthood, after adolescence.

It's usually anything from financial advice, driving lessons, and surprisingly sometimes, even relationship advice, though this would only happen if your dad has been present throughout your youth and taken an keen interest in your wellbeing.

Tania* tells us that she remembers her father telling her all sort of pearls of wisdom, but the one that's stuck forever is: “People will treat you well if you let them; or if you show them that you won't stand for anything less.” The fact that Tania* had been bullied at school at the time made this piece of advice even more profound.

Mae* says “The best guidance my dad ever gave me was that the most significant thing in the world is to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and respect what you see. That to lie, cheat, steal, be idle, spoilt or demanding, or act in any other way that isn’t honourable is an offense to my personality. I have lived by those words.”


When daddies disappear...
There are many differing reasons why fathers may be absent, whether from divorce, abandonment or death, and it can have a profound effect on a girl. The ways in which she'll view the opposite sex, the outside world and herself are forever ruined as a result of a missing father.

“Girls with absent fathers grow up without the day-by-day experience of attentive, caring and loving interaction with a man. Without this continuous sense of being valued and loved, a young girl does not thrive, but rather is stunted in her emotional development.” (Source: Franklin B. Krohn, Zoe Bogan)

A sense of security and stability is also an element that affects fatherless girls and greatly affect their development. “Girls who have little contact with their fathers, especially during adolescence have great difficulties forming lasting relationships with men. Sadly these females either shy away from males altogether or become sexually aggressive.” (Source: Grimm-Wassil, 1994)

If your father has been absent throughout your life, you will still desire this daughter/father relationship with the man who wasn’t around. However, Dr Beverly Block advises that “breaking this pattern is essential if you are ever to enjoy a healthy relationship with the opposite sex.”

By now, you will have realised the importance of the daddy-daughter relationship. It is as profound as the one a woman has with her mother. A father is intrinsic in their daughter’s development and learning, and will cause lasting negative repercussions if they aren't around.

False notions that girls are to be brought up exclusively by mothers or women in the house make men distance themselves from their daughters. They feel awkward showing affection, and so miss out on the little intimacies they should really be sharing with their daughters.

"Fathers and daughters need each other. A dad can give a daughter a special confidence and sense of her own value in a very special way. A strong father-daughter bond helps a daughter navigate through the many tough challenges of the teenage years and early adulthood." Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia